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July 19, 2008



OK, here’s what I think REALLY happened. Remes is WAY out there defending the most radical, anti-American terrorists imaginable. And he’s doing it in a way that makes it seem like he really ENJOYS defending them (as opposed to someone who does it out of duty of obligation). Now, the Covington Partners are not stupid, and they see that this guy and his actions could cause (if they hadn’t already) great harm in Covington’s ability to garner new clients (Hey, aren’t you the firm defending those al-Qaeda dudes?). Additionally, if one of the terrorists Remes helped free decides to set off a nuke in midtown New York, I think people would not hold Covington is such high regard, to put it mildly. So the Partners get together with Remes and say, “Hey listen, Dave. You’re a great attorney, and a valued member of our firm. And we all appreciate your dedication to the Guantanamo terrorists (I mean “accused” terrorists), and it’s a valuable service you’re providing, upholding the Constitution and all. But here’s the deal. You need to decide if you want to be a human rights attorney, or a Covington Partner. It’s hurting business, and hurting our image, and we can’t let that happen. (Alternative scenario: Dave, congratulations on winning the Gitmo case. Unfortunately, you now need to go). Now Remes is fuming. How DARE they tell me I can’t do this type of work. How DARE they chase the almighty dollar while innocent terrorists remain undefended! They KNEW I was handling the Gitmo cases, and now that I've actually WON, they say adios! So the next day, Remes comes in and says, “You know, I’ve decided to start my own firm, and leave Covington, because it’s just my life’s passion now, and I can’t see going back to defending Exxon. So I’m giving you a month’s notice so I can wrap things up here, and get the new office squared away. The Covington partners breathe a BIG sigh of relief. Now Remes, he’s a very smart guy, and he has one last trick up his sleeve. He goes to Yemen, and, knowing that his photo would be splashed all over the world, drops trou, and proceeds to show off his tighty whiteys (with noticable piss stain) to the world. The world now hears “Covington Attorney drops pants!” Yes, in a final act of revenge, Remes puts Covington on the map not only for having crazy Partners, but now brings attention to the fact that a Covington Partner had been (until then) defending the Guantanamo terrorists. He also brings a huge amount of attention to his pet cause. Finally, he also makes a nice bit of news about himself to help launch his solo career as the guy who would “do anything” for his clients. Further proof of this theory is this.
Remes certainly planned to drop trou all along. This was not a spontaneous event. Now what person in their right mind would intentionally wear piss stained underwear UNLESS he was trying to embarass Covington even further (Hey, that crazy Covington Partner also wears crazy piss-stained undies, knowing that his photo will be spashed all over the world. He really IS crazy, and maybe OTHER Covington Partners are just as crazy. Better off finding another firm.)

One last thing, here he is “demonstrating” the “torture” the poor Yemeis have to endure at Gitmo. Does he talk about sleep deprivation? No. Does he talk about lack of exercise? No. Does he talk about physical abuse? No. In fact, the so-called “torture” of having to permit a guard to see if you’re hiding something in your underwear elastic is PRETTY FAR down the list of “torture”. This is common safety procedure in every jail in the country. I would venture to say that even Amnesty International would see that that was a rational and legitimate precaution, considering the fact that Gitmo detainees have, in the past, tried to sneak contraband in their undies. And why couldn't he demonstrate the same thing without dropping trou? So, the only rational reason Remes picked the “underwear” search is so he could drop trou (for reasons to this, see above post).


What a jerk? That is what you have to say. Why what could be jerkier than being so passionate about protecting human rights that you do something off color?! Let's stop this talk of human rights crap and talk more about important things like profits per partner!

what a jerk!

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